The essay is very well organized. The thesis statement has been clearly stated to give the reader an idea of what the whole essay is about. For the introduction paragraph, there is a minor sentence fragments (sentence no.2).
There are total of 3 paragraphs for the body of the essay. Every paragraph there is one main idea with supporting examples or statistics. It is effective for the reader to understand the whole essay. For example, in paragraph 2, Munteng has clearly stated that ecosystem can save lives followed by giving examples of how it can benefit human. Best of all, the concluding sentence again reminded the reader that nature plays an important role for well-being of human.
For the concluding paragraph, perhaps a transition word could be added to signal the reader that you are concluding the essay. The restatement of the main point of the essay is clear and well summarized. Overall, the essay is cohesive with proper use of transition sentences within and between paragraphs. As a reader, i feel that the essay is coherent as i can fully understand what Munteng is trying to relate.
Reply on Peer Review
ReplyDeleteI agree that the essay is cohesive and consisting of clear thesis statement. On the other hand, I also agree with Cyntalia’s suggestion that there is a minor sentence fragment in the introduction paragraph. The following is the improved version of sentence #2 and this sentence will flow smoothly within the paragraph.
The key point to solve this climate problem in an effective way is to see climate change as one problem for both nature and people.
Besides, I also agree that every paragraph has one main idea. However, I realized that there are insufficient evidences to support the examples in the essay. The following is an example of improved supporting sentences (in Paragraph #2):
According to the article, A force to fight global warming, Turner, Oppenheimer and Wilcove (2009) have mentioned that a cyclone in Orissa, India (1999) would probably have taken three times as many lives if mangrove forests had not buffered the coastal residents.
With the statements above, it clearly states the source of the example and it is more reasonably to be believed and thus could convince the readers. Lastly, there should be a transition word (e.g. in conclusion) in conclusion paragraph to make it a smooth transition to conclusion.
Overall, I appreciate the constructive suggestions given by Cyntalia. With that, I am able to learn from my mistakes and hence improve my writing skill.